| Ilackniubility | 2008-3-12 10:55 AM |
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一些搞笑的注意事项
刚才敲错地址跑到[url]www.sinky.com[/url]去了，不知道是个啥网站，挺简单的，一共就这么一篇文章。网站本身还算不上有趣吧，就没有推荐了，把文章转过来好了：
<Heres some funnies
:-)
Actual warning instructions that appeared on products around the globe
Some of these are old, some new.
On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids * LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) * DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? You don't say!!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
--------------Mistaken Future Predictions----------------
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
--Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
--Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
--The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall,1957
"But what ... is it good for?"
--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM,1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
--David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
--A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
--H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."
--Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
--Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
--Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
--Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
--Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
--Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."
--1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work.
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training."
--Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus.
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."
--Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
--Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
--Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
--Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
--Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".
--Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
-- Bill Gates, 1981 |
| Ilackniubility | 2008-3-15 06:03 AM |
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:hug:
[[i] 本帖最后由 Ilackniubility 于 2008-3-15 02:06 PM 编辑 [/i]] |
| marguerite853 | 2008-3-22 08:36 AM |
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| 呃，全英文教学啊……我吃不消的…… |
| Ilackniubility | 2008-3-23 09:24 AM |
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我来练练手吧~
以下是一些搞笑的东东:
世界各地产品上真实的注意事项
一些比较老,一些是新的.
一张台湾的毛毯上——不要用作龙卷风的防护物.
一个给美国骑自行车的人用的安装在头盔上的镜子——记住,镜子里的物体实际上是在你的背后.
一瓶台湾的洗发液——严重损伤请反复使用(这句没看懂,囧)
一瓶英国经过调味的牛奶饮料的瓶顶——开启后保持直立
一瓶新西兰杀虫剂——本产品未经过动物实验
一本美国的电脑使用指南——为避免凝结,开启箱子之前请升至室温(合情合理,但是这个是写在箱子里面的……)
一个日本的用来缓解痔疮疼痛的产品——躺在床上,将POSCOOL慢慢地插入肛门.在插入POSCOOL的5分钟左右,保持安静
在某些国家,可口可乐瓶子的底部——从另一头开启
一包葡萄干上——(这句不会翻译,试试直译好了,哪位大仙能理解麻烦解释一下,主要是toss over的意思……)为什么不试试扔掉你早餐最喜欢的麦片呢?
一个电吹风——请勿在睡觉时使用
一袋玉米饼上——你可能中了奖！此品无须购买。详情内附
一块拨号肥皂(dial还有其他意思么??)——用法同普通肥皂(那普通肥皂怎么用?)
一盒Tesco(英国最大的零售商)的提拉米苏底部——请勿倒置
Marks & Spencer的面包布丁上——本产品加热后会变热(你确定?我们来试试)
一串中国制造的圣诞彩灯——仅限室内或室外使用……(反对在外太空使用?)
一个日本的食物加工机——勿用于其他用途.(嗯,现在我开始好奇了……)
Sainsbury的花生——注意:含有果仁
一盒美国航空公司的坚果上——食用方法:打开盒子,吃坚果
一把瑞典的链锯——不要尝试用你的手或者生殖器来阻挡锯链(什么事情会导致这个警告……)
一件小孩子的超人服上——穿上这件衣服并不能让你飞起来(没错,但是摧毁了全世界孩子的童年幻想)
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后面的是贻笑大方的预言应该比较老了,像"世界上只需要5台计算机""世界上能被发明出来的东西都已经被发明出来了""640k对每个人来说都已经足够了"之类的,网上很多.
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另外还搜到几个:
Swanson冷冻食品：食用建议：解冻(建议而已喔！)
某饭店提供的浴帽外盒：适用于一颗头(刚好放得进一颗头)
Rowenta熨斗：请勿烫身上穿的衣物
Boots儿童咳嗽药：请勿开车或操作机械
Nytol安眠药：警告：可能会引起嗜睡
某韩国制厨房用刀：警告：隔离小孩
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居然还有比赛:
很多在普通人看来荒唐可笑的警告标语背后，往往都有“血泪”的赔偿教训。比如麦当劳热饮杯上的“小心烫口”，就是在麦当劳被一个老太太巨额索赔以后加上去的，一起来看看这些看似“愚蠢”的警告标语。
1997年，密歇根诉讼滥用监察组织(M-LAW)开始举办一项比赛，以揭露那些无聊的诉讼，以及人们对可能的无聊诉讼的关注，是如何引发了一种新的文化现象：愚蠢的警告标语。
你可能听说过关于一杯打翻的咖啡的诉讼。但是，还有许多其他愚蠢的诉讼，所涉及的都是人们不太注意的产品。例如，你是否知道有人起诉一家生产篮球网的小公司而得到了5万美元，理由是他在扣篮时牙齿卡在了网中，而他认为该公司应当为此负责？产品制造商们在听说这样一些令人气愤的诉讼案之后，常常决定将一些常识性的警告标语贴在他们的产品上……“只为以防万一”。
多年来，密歇根诉讼滥用监察组织收到了世界各地发来的成百上千条警告标语。该组织会核查每一条标语的真实性并挑选出年度“五甲”，之后再由收音机听众选出前三名。在过去四年中，获胜者都是由底特律WOMC电台的一档获奖节目“Dick Purtan秀”的听众选出的。第一名的提名者将得到500美元奖金，第二名250美元，第三名100美元。
下面列出了前八届比赛中的一些优胜标语：
●贴于一款婴儿车上的警告标语是：“折叠前请取出孩子。”
●一款顶端为三叉钩形的铜制鱼饵上的警告标语写着：“吞食有害。”
●一款非常受欢迎的儿童踏板车上的警告标语为：“该产品使用时会移动。”
●一款用作包装材料的长9英寸宽3英寸的充气袋上写着这样的警告标语：“切勿将此产品用作玩具、枕头，或漂浮设备。”
●一款洁厕毛刷上的警告标语是：“请勿用于个人卫生。”
●一款宣称可用来“混合、搅拌、剁碎以及切丁”的电动手持型搅拌器上的警告标语写到：“切勿在产品运行时候从刀片下取走食物或其他物品。”
●一款可以通过几种不同的方法量测人体体温的数字体温计上有这样的警告标语：“一旦用于肛门量测，不应将该体温计再用于口腔量测。”
●一款家用熨斗警告使用者：“切勿熨烫正穿在身上的衣物。”
●一款吹风机上的标签上写着：“请勿在睡觉时使用吹风机。”
●一款木匠用的电钻上的警告标语是：“该产品不可用作牙钻。”
●一瓶下水管道清洁剂上的警告标签写到：“如果你看不懂或者无法阅读所有的说明、警示与警告，请勿使用本产品。”
●一款烟雾探测器的警告标语是：“在紧急情况时切勿启动禁用功能。否则将无法灭火。”
●一款按摩椅的警告标语是：“请勿裸体使用按摩椅……并且，切勿在滚轮运动时将身体的任何一个部分强行放进靠背位置。”
●一款防止太阳照射汽车仪表盘的遮阳纸板上的警告标语是：“遮阳板未移开时请勿驾驶。”
●一款“瞄准点火”的壁炉打火机上的警告标语是：“切勿在火、火焰或火花附近使用。”
●一款手持按摩器上的标签建议消费者不要“在睡觉或昏迷时”使用。
●一款长12英寸的CD存放架上的警告标语是：“不可用作梯子。”
●一款激光打印机的墨盒上有这样的警告标语：“请勿食用墨粉。”
●一款直径为13英寸的手推车轮子上的警告标语是：“不适于公路使用。”
●一罐用于自卫的胡椒粉喷雾器警告使用者：“可能会刺激眼睛。”
●一副为骑自行车的人制造的小腿保护装置上的警告标语写到：“小腿保护垫无法保护它未覆盖到的身体其他部分。”
●一款扬雪机上的警告标语是：“请勿在屋顶上使用扬雪机。”
●一款洗碗机上的警告标语是：“请勿让孩子在洗碗机中玩耍。”
●一款非常受欢迎的成品壁炉木材警告使用者：“注意——易燃物品。”
●一盒生日蛋糕蜡烛上写着：“切勿将软蜡当作耳塞使用或用于需插入体腔的其他用途。”
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Darwin Awards 达尔文奖
“达尔文奖”是互联网上一个专门收集蠢人蠢事的网站，上面任何一则小故事都能让人捧腹大笑，叹为观止。取名“达尔文奖”是为了追念达尔文的演化论学说──人类从大自然脱颖而出靠的是去劣存优的演化进步。就是因为有了书中那些蠢人做了蠢事而丧命，人类的基因库才得以不断朝健康的路线发展，使后代子孙渐渐远离莫名其妙的枉死命运。
1. 一个不知名的人用一支形似棍棒的猎枪来敲砸前女友的挡风玻璃，可枪走了火，射穿了他的肚子，导致他意外死亡。
2. 2004年3月，在密歇根州阿拉莫市，34岁的詹姆斯·伯恩斯（机修工）遇害身亡，当时他正试着修理一辆卡车，警方称是一台农用卡车。伯恩斯把自己挂在车底，让一个朋友把车开到大路上去，以便他能查明噪音故障的原因。然而，伯恩斯的衣服刮到了什么东西上，于是另一个人便发现伯恩斯“裹到了传动轴上”。
3. 2004年12月，在北卡罗来纳州纽顿市，47岁的肯·查尔斯·巴格意外地开枪自杀身亡。他被床边的电话声吵醒，想拿起电话，却抓到了一把手枪，放到耳边的时候枪响了。
4. 在加利福尼亚州格兰戴尔市，37岁的罗伯特·沙夫斯托在向妻子讲解手枪的安全使用时将自己射杀身亡，当时他把一支他以为没有上弹的45mm口径的手枪放到了下巴底下并扣动了扳机。沙夫斯托的妻子对警察说，她对丈夫拥有70支手枪的抱怨促使他演示它们的安全性，随后这件事便发生了。
5. 警察称，一名律师在多伦多市区里的一幢摩天大楼演示窗户的安全性时，其肩膀撞碎了窗框，从24楼坠落而亡。一名警局发言人说，在多伦多自治领银行所在的塔楼内，39岁的加里·霍伊在向前来参观的法科学生讲解大楼窗户的强度时坠落到该楼附带的庭院里。 |
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| 谢谢Ilackniubility，我一字不漏滴看完了...最后那个撞玻璃的猛... |
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